alixa & naima (of climbing poetree) and pamela means crafted superhero art last night. i was certainly in need of the saving...
was storming out
of body yesterday.
felt gut-numb. felt tongue-dumb. needed to take a walk away from the chest-fisting hurricane news flooding our livingrooms. needed to get off on the sun and not the stress-induced argument i stupidly started with my lover. i went outside and found a broken park bench to gracelessly collapse on. tried to gather up the torn pieces of my thoughts. tried to remind myself there was a god and failed. practiced believing in more simple things: my armpit itch, the chewed up bits of fingernail in my dry mouth, my empty hands, the tagless grief i had been trying to sell as anger earlier that day. i kept thinking...
how is art going to get us
out of this mess?
and then a perfect wind kissed my forehead and i remembered god and stopped thinking. for a good five minutes. and then a ladybug jumped into my lap and an ant stepped on my foot so i started praying to them.
but just when Temporary Peace raised her forefinger to tap on my soul, a male voice calls out, "THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL TAN YOU GOT THERE. HOW LONG'D'T TAKE YOU TO GET THAT TAN?" and if, by then, i had not been comfortable in the silent sitting i had been perfecting for a couple of hours, it might have dawned on me to scream...my moment sweet respite morphed into that resigned numbness and dumbness again. i left the bench humming janis joplin's "down on me."
looks like everybody in the whole
wide world is...
but when i got home she gathered me up into her forgiveness and took me out for scallion pancakes and vegetables wet with ginger sauce. high on making up (and maybe MSG?), we stumbled into the Eleven's and heard three amazing women of color talking love and skin and guts. and i remembered god again, as balance and mother-sound (OM) and as everywhere as air. when we got home we squealed like zealots as we watched a documentary about mammals. it was good to see the Earth looking so fine again cuz they don't ever show her so sexy and loving on the five'o'clock news.
Take Care of Each Other, Elle.