today the line waiting is the first life lesson resonates
like blows. i wrote it—quite prophetically—
when i was seventeen and didn't have bills to pay.
financial ignorance was blissful; i knew enough
not to ask my mother for anything brand/new, but, more
often than not, my basic needs were met. cool.
today though—waiting for a check is instant humility.
it reminds me of how interdependent we all are;
how i can only control my own behavior:
show up prepared and on time, work
like giving birth, love
every second of it, acknowledge
praise, acknowledge blame, leave
mental notes to self about how the experience
will aid my evolution as an artist, as human bean...
but i always have to count on someone else
to complete the circle of any given engagment.
i rely on a whole bunch of someones, in fact—
people i may never meet, people to whom i am
only a number on a piece of paper beneath
a daunting pile of other pieces of paper
with faceless numbers on them. the overworked
secretaries and thankless interns are the ones
who decide which conversation i'm going to have
with my landlord tomorrow, my creditors next week,
my stressed out/insomniatic/ever-hustling self
at three in the morning, my growling stomach
later this afternoon...
if i sound bitter, i'm not.
my best, most patient self reminds:
shared weight is a beautiful thing.
waiting rooms are perfect;
places of possibility and growth; noisy
and crowded and poorly lit—like wombs.
here, i can learn to observe my discomfort,
my doubt, my desire. and observation
is the first step to a breakthrough, to birth.
there is no point in fearing the uncertainty
of the dark; light is just as inevitable.
i need not hope for change;
change is as certain as love and love
is fo shizzle my sizzle.
(insert big, cheesy grin...)
what can i say? it's all good.
it's a beautiful day where i live.
my hair smells like peppermint.
my flip-flops are comfortable
and despite some technical difficulties,
valley free radio is finally on air! 103.3!
if you see me
sitting in the sun today
telling all my secrets
to the flowers, go on
and sit next to me...
i'm waiting...
one, elle.
www.lenellemoise.com